Am I Doing Something Wrong Here?

There is nothing more stressful than being a parent. You are in charge of little lives. Growing them into thoughtful human beings, that will hopefully be successful, brave, kind, loving, smart, etc...As a mother, you never really know how you are doing, especially on days when nothing seems to go right. You yell too much. You don't pay enough attention to these little beings. You don't feed "on time" and then they are STARVING! My kids have been driving me crazy for the past week. School has not started yet for us. It's 3 days away, and I pray that I make it that long. My husband has been out of town for the past week so this mom here has not had a single break. No grandparents around to drop the kids off at. No sitters. Nothing. Just mom. From 8 in the morning to whenever their little can longer stay open from exhaustion.

They go to bed around 8pm, but that doesn't mean that go to sleep so I'm still on duty...but I guess being a mom, you really are never off duty, even at 3am when one them gets sick, or decides to sleep walk into your room and then wet the bed...you get the idea. I learn everyday. I make mistakes everyday. I am far from perfect. I probably don't pay enough attention to them when they need it and maybe that's why they have a hard time listening and obeying.

I NEED A BREAK!

I love my children to the moon and back. I would do anything for them, I would die for them. They came from my womb, but I am tired. I know school is about to start, but I am about to wits end with this single parenting. Don't get me wrong...I know people personally that I have done, are doing it and they are wonderful parents. This just isn't for me. 1 week was enough. I need my honey home. The kids need their daddy and I need some sanity back. These are just ramblings and hopefully things will get better and more interesting so I will just leave you with that.

First Time School Parent Jitters

I am seeing lots of Facebook posts about first day school, happy and sad faces (mostly happy), pictures about whatnot, and I have to admit that I am a bit nervous. I never went to a big school, and the school that Kylee is going to go to isn't huge, but it is a lot bigger than anywhere I ever attended (until my senior year of high school) I was a little intimidated by all the classrooms and the hallways and stairs...geesh, am I going to survive? And this isn't even for me! I'm the parent at this point, and I am sending my kid to this place. We registered this morning, and she was very excited to see where she will attending school to say the least. Everything was new and exciting, even filling out the paperwork for kindergarten. That part wasn't as stressful as I imagined. One page to fill out, front and back. I was very prepared for the rest. Open house is Monday, and I have a feeling the tears are going to be shed that day. This is it. My kids are starting school and there isn't anything that I can do about it. Some might say that I could homeschool. While it's for some parents, it's not for me. I am NOT that parent. I love my children dearly and they will be missed, but I'm just not a teacher, and I am definitely not that patient.

This is just another hurdle in my life that I will be getting over and heading onto the next. I did find out today that the list I got was only half of what I really needed. Everything is a learning process from this point. We made a trip to Target and switched some things out with what we already bought last week. If that isn't frustrating enough, I have listening to my kids argue a lot lately. Maybe this household is ready for school time! I think they are getting to the age that they need some separation time to really appreciate each other later. My kids are buddies. They play very well together, but sometimes sharing toys is an issue. How in the world do you get your kid to just quit crying over something the other has? I would love some feedback.

As much as I would love to turn Netflix on and just let them be "brain dead" for the next couple hours, I just can't get myself to do it. I feel like tv is a privilege, not a right in this house. My kids have to ask to watch, and if I say no to something, that's what I mean. I am starting to get more attitudes lately. Not all the time, not even most of the time, but just enough to make mom need a small break.

Anyway...I have been looking on pinterest for good lunch ideas and how to get your kid to eat more. Grocery shopping will take place the weekend before, and I plan on involving my daughter in the some of the decision making. I don't want her getting bored with school lunch or trying to trade with other kids (not even sure if they can do that anymore). I think the more involved she is in some of the decisions, the better we will be for this new adventure.

Always Starting Over

I always feel like I'm starting over. With over 11 moves under my belt, maybe that is just the case. Every move means getting to know new people or at least trying to meet new people. I am not a person who does alone very well. Yes, I have my children and at the end of the day, my husband comes home from work at the end of day, but what about the mornings? The afternoons? School is about to start which means that I am going to be alone. As much as my children can drive me crazy, I don't enjoy the silence. Ok, maybe I enjoy it for a little bit, but not for long.

I'm also trying to get back in the groove of waking up early and getting myself ready before the kids even get up. It's proving to be a challenge. It's not the waking up part. It's the getting out of bed part. We are currently sleeping on an air mattress so rolling out of bed and getting up takes a lot of effort, effort that I just don't want to put in to getting up. I know...I know...first world problems.

On with the ramblings...School shopping is done. This is my oldest's first year of school. Kindergarten. I don't know who is more excited. Me or my daughter? That means that I will just have 1 kid during the day, well, until he starts preschool. What do SAHM's do all day when kids are at school? I need know! I have plans, I do! Sewing, blogging, cleaning, cooking, baking, binge watching Netflix! hehe :) I feel like I need to get one of those vintage 50's dresses, wear heels and an apron, fix my hair everyday and rock the housewife thing. Ya know...be THAT mom. I think I could do it. I don't feel like I will be the soccer mom type. I will NOT get a minivan and tote kids and friends around everywhere. Pile in and pile out...but I guess you never know. We are more of a motor sports family. That really doesn't consist of being a team of kids. It's a family sport which I love! My kids are already talking about riding a dirt bike or driving go-karts. Yep, my kids are cool.

They are also crazy, so I better prepared for hospital visits and tons of stuff in the medicine cabinet. One can never be too prepared. My daughter is always (already) trying to get her little brother to try the crazy stuff....Jump off that! It will be fun! Climb up those rocks, it's not THAT high. BTW...they are only 4 and 5! I have a long road ahead of me with these 2!

I know I ramble a lot, but it's been a while since I have just sat down and typed it all out. I will hopefully keep up with it this time. I have lots of projects, school is about to start and more life to live so stick with me. I'm sure my writing will get better ;)